Indian PM Candidate - 1

We have received information that a number of people have decided, after the last minute, to stand for the post of Prime Minister of India. When our confidential sources tried to explain to these people there were flaws in their campaign (e.g. last date of filing nomination is past; some of these people don't exist; et cetera) they just didn't listen. Secure in their awesomeness, they are convinced that they can and will prevail.

The first of these: Dalip Singh Rana, who is more generally known by the pseudonym of The Great Khali.


We will first present some agenda points from his manifesto.

1. Award of Rs. 1000 crore to all Indians who are at least 7 feet in height

2. Revival of national pride by training all Indians to beat up foreigners in rings

3. Revival of pride in Hindi by ensuring that no Indian ever communicates again without the help of an interpreter (who must be an Indian-American with a horrible accent)

4. Teaching all Indians to scream in a gruff voice so that the insults they are screaming are not understood



We will now tell you a few things that might make you vote for him.

1. He has spread bravery and undying courage in the face of defeat among Indians by saying things like 'jaaaahn cenaaaa...main teri m@#$%& @#&%$' and the like, even after losing to the said gentleman 12 times.

2. He put Punjab ('u' pronounced as in 'bull') on the world map, even though that's not where he's from, by creating and popularising many fictitious things such as the Punjabi Prison and Punjabi Massage Therapy.

3. He has kissed atleast 10 different firang chicks. Have you?

3. Finally, would you like to vote against a 7 foot tall, 420 pound heavy monster? We thought not.

Since we're fair people, we'd also like to highlight one small failing of this paragon; he sometimes lies. And the lies are also just as big as himself.

For example, his interpreter (Ranjin Singh; may God bless him) once said "This enormous monster has walked the jungles of India unafraid of pythons and wrestled White Bengal tigers. Legend states that the Punjabi Warrior has stared into the abyss and the earth trembled at his gaze." This is clearly false. There are no abysses near Punjab, where did he gaze into one? Also, he was, when in India, a labourer. His employers might not have been too happy if he took time off periodically to walk the jungles and wrestle Bengal tigers (which are, as suggested by the name, found in Bengal, which is quite some distance away from Punjab).

Also, on TV, his interpreter once showed him seemingly, in deep meditation. The interpreter explained to an enthralled audience that the Great Khali was praying to the evil and destructive Gods of his people for strength and courage. The Great Khali rather spoiled this promising introduction by opening his eyes and roaring 'Jai Shri Ram!'; Ram, atleast outside of Sri Lanka, being neither evil or destructive.

These are, however, but tiny faults. We endorse the Great Khali's candidature, at least till we reveal our next secret candidate. There are many indications that it might be Shaktimaan.